PreSonus Blog

FAQ for Ray’s Beard

With the arrival of the StudioLive RM-series rackmount mixers, we’ve received a lot of questions about the functionality. 96K? Can they be cascaded? What about the Dante cards? When can I get one?

We’ve answered those questions (and more) in the RM-series mixer FAQ, which can be had by clicking here. But we’ve also gotten a lot of other questions that we feel are worthy of their own FAQ—particularly regarding Ray’s beard. While we understand and appreciate your curiosity, we have had to keep some secrets for a while for competitive reasons—but, the cat is out of the bag and we can go public with the announcement of the Garibaldi FH16K. Read below for more info.

Garibaldi

Ray’s Beard FAQ

The Garibaldi FH16K is a true-analog face-mountable beard that allows for maintaining facial warmth in the coming winter months, as well as unsurpassed soup and juice filtering. Beta testers of the Garibaldi have reported up to a 30% increase in their dates-per-week ratio shortly after concluding installation. Garibaldi is compatible with all walks of life, and enjoys cross-fashion compatibility with both corduroys and flannel.

While currently only compatible with human males over the age of 14, we plan to broaden availability to women and younger users through a hormone therapy add-on kit available in Q3 2015. At the time of this writing we have no plans to make the beard available to Androids.

  • Q: Is the Garibaldi FH16K difficult to maintain?
  • A: Not really, but carrying the weight of the beard consumes approximately 200 calories daily.

 

  • Q: Does UC Surface contain a beard Channel Type preset?smallbeard
  • A: Yes. It was released as part of the most recent UC Surface update, which can be downloaded by clicking here. It is accessed from the Channel Info menu.

 

  • Q: Any affiliation to the cast of Duck Dynasty?
  • A: No. Ray is from the Northwest.

 

  • Q: Ray has more hair on the bottom half of his head than the top half. That’s weird.
  • A: This is not a question.

 

  • Q: MIDI implementation?
  • A: Not available at this time.

 

  • Q: When does it ship?
  • A: The Garibaldi FH16K is available to begin growing immediately, with full installation concluding in 2-3 years.

 

  • Q: What networking options exist?
  • A: There is no Dante option planned, as Dante Alighieri (the great Italian poet who wrote the Divine Comedy) was clean-shaven. AVBeard is being considered.

 

  • Q: What customization options exist?
  • A: At the time of this writing, the Garibaldi FH16K grows to the default Grizzly Adams setting pictured above. We will be introducing the FuzzTrim QT expansion in Q2 2015, allowing for stored presets including the Goatee, Neckbeard (AKA “The Linux”), Mutton Chop, Fu Manchu, and Gandalf.*

 

*Gandalf has not yet tested for compatibility with OSX Mordor, please wait before updating your OS

Tech Specs:

Follicle Preamp

Type

Cellular Unbalanced Male x 16,000

Frequency Response (±3.0 dB)

1 Hz to 20 kHz

Input Impedance (Balanced)

B/G Ratio: (Brown to Grey)

16,000/3

Input

Type

Multicellular

TS Unbalanced Male Input Impedance

0.5 MΩ

Chin Output

Type

0.00067” Follicular Mono

Maximum Output ≈6″ (152.4 mm), annual

Balanced Output Impedance

Sideburn Outputs

Type

0.00085” Follicular Active Stereo

Maximum Output

≈8″ (203.2 mm), annual

Balanced Output Impedance

MIDI I/O

Type

N/A, that would be silly

Physical

Dimensions

1F (Facemountable)

Length

12.5” (317.5 mm)

Depth

1.75″ (44.45 mm)

Width

8.5” (215.9 mm)

Diameter per follicle

≈ 0.0275″ (00.70 mm)

Weight (Total)

.5 lbs (0.226 kg)

Sex Appeal

≥ ∞

Power

Calorie bus-powered

As a commitment to constant improvement, PreSonus Audio Electronics, Inc., reserves the right to change any specification stated herein at anytime, without notification.

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