With the arrival of the StudioLive RM-series rackmount mixers, we’ve received a lot of questions about the functionality. 96K? Can they be cascaded? What about the Dante cards? When can I get one?

We’ve answered those questions (and more) in the RM-series mixer FAQ, which can be had by clicking here. But we’ve also gotten a lot of other questions that we feel are worthy of their own FAQ—particularly regarding Ray’s beard. While we understand and appreciate your curiosity, we have had to keep some secrets for a while for competitive reasons—but, the cat is out of the bag and we can go public with the announcement of the Garibaldi FH16K. Read below for more info.

Ray’s Beard FAQ

The Garibaldi FH16K is a true-analog face-mountable beard that allows for maintaining facial warmth in the coming winter months, as well as unsurpassed soup and juice filtering. Beta testers of the Garibaldi have reported up to a 30% increase in their dates-per-week ratio shortly after concluding installation. Garibaldi is compatible with all walks of life, and enjoys cross-fashion compatibility with both corduroys and flannel.

While currently only compatible with human males over the age of 14, we plan to broaden availability to women and younger users through a hormone therapy add-on kit available in Q3 2015. At the time of this writing we have no plans to make the beard available to Androids.

• Q: Is the Garibaldi FH16K difficult to maintain?
• A: Not really, but carrying the weight of the beard consumes approximately 200 calories daily.

• Q: Does UC Surface contain a beard Channel Type preset?
• A: Yes. It was released as part of the most recent UC Surface update, which can be downloaded by clicking here. It is accessed from the Channel Info menu.

• Q: Any affiliation to the cast of Duck Dynasty?
• A: No. Ray is from the Northwest.

• Q: Ray has more hair on the bottom half of his head than the top half. That’s weird.
• A: This is not a question.

• Q: MIDI implementation?
• A: Not available at this time.

• Q: When does it ship?
• A: The Garibaldi FH16K is available to begin growing immediately, with full installation concluding in 2-3 years.

• Q: What networking options exist?
• A: There is no Dante option planned, as Dante Alighieri (the great Italian poet who wrote the Divine Comedy) was clean-shaven. AVBeard is being considered.

• Q: What customization options exist?
• A: At the time of this writing, the Garibaldi FH16K grows to the default Grizzly Adams setting pictured above. We will be introducing the FuzzTrim QT expansion in Q2 2015, allowing for stored presets including the Goatee, Neckbeard (AKA “The Linux”), Mutton Chop, Fu Manchu, and Gandalf.*

*Gandalf has not yet tested for compatibility with OSX Mordor, please wait before updating your OS

Tech Specs: